I Can list a number of games we played as kids; ring around the rosy at three and five, ‘catcher’ at six and eight, ‘tinko’ at eight and ten, and because of no female companion, ‘ten-ten’ at ten and twelve. By the time I was thirteen we were doing video games mostly via the game machines uncle mark bought for us. I was even a pro soccer player. When I turned fourteen and you, 16, there seemed to be a bridge between us. At first I assumed it was because of the numerous books we both had to read or the number of increasing hours we spent at lesson but even on the weekends, you seemed to be reserved and cold. I thought I’d done something wrong when you preferred watching Mtv over hanging out with me. Mum suggested you were growing up and suggested I did the same. She gave me a make-up bag and jewelry box that I angrily put away. I’d been spending so much time with you to realize who I was at the moment.
I sat down quiet with you for sometimes, hours while you just watched the latest sitcom. I was almost worried but I didn’t say a thing to you. Then I thought it was a deliberate action to avoid me when you started bringing the boys from your soccer team home. Whilst mummy gave you guys orange juice or kool-aid, I would just stand in the corner, almost invisible and then you’d mention my name and my eyes would brighten but then you’d just tell me to excuse you and your friends.
When I noticed it seemed like you didn’t want me around anymore, I decided not to follow you and mum that summer to South Africa and stayed Aunt Maries house. I figured, my absence would make you most delighted. Well I figured it did because when you and mummy got back, all your pictures where happy and colorful. It made me so sad inside. You told me all about it and as glad as I was to be talking to you, hours ending, watching you smile, I was still sad.
Then you turned seventeen and your outings were much more frequent. Then the girls started coming. Different almost every day. I was jealous and at the same time worried. You two would spend hours chitchatting about your a-level classes and stuff a year ten student didn’t have to know about just yet. Time flew and I gave up. I blossomed as a young girl and you seemed to be overprotective about me-not that I even cared about you that much anymore. Anytime I had male friends home, you flew into tantrums and sent them away. It was even worse when I was admitted into York University, Canada, same university as you.
Then you finished went back to Nigeria to start youth service. I was practically glad and funny how, that period coincided with the time I and Yomi; your best friend started dating. You were too mad when you heard but you didn’t do anything about it. that Christmas, back at home, I saw you with a close friend of mine, Tami, it was a blow on my face until I realized it was only a way for you to get me mad and then find and use the same excuse I was going to use to make you dump Tami, to make me dump Yomi. Well, you didn’t get what you wanted and that Christmas, mum kept wondering what was wrong with us both.
In the summer of 2005, I was through with university and mummy couldn’t come for my graduation but you did. When we got back to Nigeria, we were shocked as hell. Dad who’d left us all this years was back-but not for good. He was sick. He’d die soon.
I thought the love of taking care of a loved one would make us come back together but you still maintained your distance. I didn’t know why you treated daddy cold. I didn’t understand and even after he died, even five years later, both of us now having separate lives, married, I didn’t still know why you treated daddy cold or why on his deathbed, you said you forgave him for a sin I didn’t know about or why we hardly spoke to each other without arguing.
****
I remember making you smile when you were but a child. you smiled anytime I touched you even though mummy didn’t like that I was disturbing your nap. I used to make little drawings of both of us when I was in kindergarten and stick them in you room. I remember the maid used to give me a minimum of twenty minutes to play with you. I taught you tons of nursery rhymes before your first day in nursery school. I told you 1+1 was 3 and you couldn’t spell your name without my name. I taught you poems and scared you often with my bat man mask. At the park we scattered the bird feed and ran away to the mummy.
Good times.
But my life changed. It wasn’t anyone’s fault; it was my eyes that caused me pain. The driver dropped me home early one day when I was fifteen. I wasn’t feeling well, I just wanted sleep and tp finish up some notes and text you to buy me something from Mr. Biggs on your way home. But, when I got to the waiting room, I saw, bags that were tagged F.D. dad’s initials. My heart was beating hurriedly. ‘my daddy was back home, just for me and you!’
I was excited.
I remembered why he left. He and mum had been having troubles. He left the day she slapped him. I was only three but I do remember peeping through the curtain at them. I had cried when I saw him leaving. I pleaded with him not to go. I remember shouting ‘daddy don’t go, don’t go—’ I was three and he left without looking back at me.
And now, he was back for me! I was excited until I walked into the crimson colored sitting room and found it was just the maid and her boyfriend making out on my dad’s favorite chair-which at that time had become my own sofa.
In disgust, I threw a cushion at them, and when she moved her head, I saw it was dad. I could have died that moment. I wanted to, trust me. I screamed until it was all black then, I remember waking up and telling him to go away from me. He calmed me down and told me it was just making out. No big deal. I remember exactly how the conversation played out.
‘Feyi, really what’s the matter?’ he was smiling ‘is it not just two people making love-’ he was quite sardonic but his word didn’t placate me.
‘daddy, you stooped so low to doing a maid and you’re telling me it was just two people making love?’
‘Whatever jare. How are you?’
‘I’m not fine.’ I said. I hadn’t seen this man in twelve years and had only spoken to him occasionally on the phone and it seemed ok to him that this was the way I saw him again? I was shocked. ‘I think what I want to know first is why you left all those years?’
I had never summoned the courage to ask mum since she seemed so happy and, talking about him made tears fill her eyes.
He sighed, his eyes were sad. He hesitated, he didn’t want to tell me. ‘Your mother was cheating on me. I found out and had to leave. I wont have left if Sayo wasn’t the daughter of the man she was sleeping with’
That shocked me so badly I wanted to cry. ‘what? That’s insane? A lie!’ I roared ‘we look so much alike-’
‘convince yourself all you want but Sayo knows and has been secretly visiting her father. Your mum and her father have put her under a oath not to tell’ He said and tapped my hand. As matter-of-factly as he sounded, his voice still had a trace of untruth and insanity. Yet, I believed every word of it.
Those words really hurt me. I wanted to ask you about it but father said you would never tell. I kept the secret to myself. I still loved you and protected you even from the unknown until the Christmas of 2003.
****
I was happy. My world and everything about me was beautiful; my kids, my job, my home, God. I was satisfied, I couldn’t ask for anything more but my mother kept calling and telling me some secrets couldn’t be hidden forever. I was so sure Feyi and Sayo wouldn’t find out under any circumstance until Feyi came to me. It was Christmas; I wasn’t going to spoil it for anyone. But Feyi was persistent. He just wanted to know everything and I wasn’t sure about what he already knew and what he didn’t know. He was 21, I couldn’t lie to him. So, I guess, he was old enough to know certain truths.
So I sat you down on the patio while Sayo was in the kitchen making a dozen pancakes for the rest of the family yet to arrive. I figured I’d also have to tell her the truth sooner than later.
The question before us was why did their father leave and my answer was. ‘He was cheating on me’
Feyi kept quiet. I watched his aura change ‘you’re lying mum?’
‘no. he was cheating on me with his secretary, the maid, a cleaner, his boss, his client everyone-he wasn’t the man I married.’
‘yeah you’re lying’ he said quietly.
‘well that’s not all’
‘well, when do you plan telling me Sayo is my half-sister?’
‘she is your sister. He is the father’
‘then why did father deny it and say that she wasn’t and that you were the one cheating?’
‘he lied.’ I said figuring it was difficult in the way I didn’t plan. ‘Sayo came at the time when money was a problem for your father and i. your father insisted in abortion. I couldn’t do it but he persisted. So I went to my doctor. He told me I couldn’t. the doctor promised to see me through birth and afterwards no charge and I was excited but your father thought I was cheating and generally insinuated that doctor Macaulay must be the father of the baby for the doctors say to count more than his say. And, on the other hand, your father was sleeping with his boss and a lot of other people for money. Word got out and I was ashamed. So, I just told people that Sayo wasn’t his daughter that we were on the verge of a divorce.’
So, at the time the cat was out of the bag and Feyi was certain that Sayo was his sister, we all moved on with our life. Then summer, 2005 came and I was supposed to be in Italy opening a new branch of my eatery but your father had walked in the same way he walked out. He was Hiv positive. I didn’t know what to do. In his eyes, I saw the man I married. All he needed was some love and I couldn’t believe after 24 years, I loved him. I took care of him and tried to put my two kids off and practically any other person-but I didn’t know till when. Then Sayo and Feyi walked in arguing as usual. Now, that I understood the problem and thought that I had solved it, I was shocked about the fights and arguments. I talked to you to end it but Feyi, you’ve always been a tidbit too stubborn. You didn’t forgive your father either and Sayo was confused. She wanted to call my mother-any relative to explain things but I was too confused that I just let the situation unwind by itself and as it unwound, no secret was revealed.
Sayo was still in the dark.
Well that’s until now.
I’m sick. I need help.
**** (Omnipresent narrator.)
They strolled through the snow casually. Not one word had been said through the car ride and the ice was breaking. ‘uhm, how are the kids?’ she asked almost indifferently.
He shrugged. ‘fine I guess. Yours?’
‘very good’ she said with a smile. ‘jessica draws pictures for her baby brother’
He nodded with a smile ‘Lola is pregnant-she is beautiful’
‘oh, its an her?’
‘Yeah, lucky us right’
She nodded ‘our kids would have the childhood we had’
He smile and intertwined his fingers in her finger. She smiled turning red. He looked at her palm and started making circles on them and she started giggling ‘round around the garden, like a teddy bear, one step, two step, tickle you underneath’ they laughed so hard they fell into a pile of snow.
‘oh my.’ She said putting her hat on her head ‘I haven’t laughed this much in forever!’
‘yeah since-’
‘since I was fourteen’
There was a momentarily awkward silence. And they both broke the ice into tiny invisible pieces as they dusted the snow off their body and spoke at the same time.
‘I’m sorry’ Feyi said
‘what happened to us’ Sayo asked. they both stared at each other, the brotherly love blooming in their eyes.
‘you’re just a weirdo’ Sayo said moving her eyes hastily away.
‘why should this be awkward?’ he said ‘we used to play the starring game a lot and I used to win.’
‘don’t act like a liar, you know I used to win.’
‘liar, liar, pants on fire’ he screamed heartily ‘lets play and see who is the liar.’
‘we should get going. Mummy is waiting for us?’
‘mama bonboy can keep her company’ he said starring at her mildly
‘you are just weird and razz too’ she said and starred into his eyes.
They stood there for about five minutes not minding the numerous people passing them. Then, he looked away. ‘aargh, you made me blink, I want a rematch.’
‘re what?’ she said and pulled him along. ‘I know eveerything’ she said
‘you do’ he asked even though he felt he wasn’t supposed to know what she spoke of. He was too sure it was he had in mind.
She nodded ‘I overhead you guys during thanksgivivng.’ She said ‘I should have been told something. But I don’t hold it against any of you. I just want to know why you still kept your distance and kept fighting with me and scaring off all my boyfriends.’
‘well, I love you that’s why, you’re by kid sister I have the right to harass you, pick on you and annoy you.’
‘right and I don’t have the right to?’
‘well,-uhm, mummy’s waiting for us’ he said and raced off.
They entered the hospital and before they could be led to the ward, it was announced that she’d died just about four minutes ago. It hurt so much they couldn’t say anything but ask what had been wrong with her. ‘nothing more than the usual.’ The doctor said ‘she had the virus. About six years now.’
It hurt that she hadn’t told them but then, wasn’t that like everything in their family. No communication.
Beautifully sad (Y)
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